- toughness : dureté
- tantrum : colère
- cussing out : obscène
- trite : banal
- callous : insensible
- to grind out : écraser
- pussy : fillette
- prowess : talent
- dash : goutte
- goaded : provoqué
- bluster : fanfaronnade
- horrid : horrible
- rash : éruption
- bevy : volée
- to bash : frapper
- grinding through : venir à bout
- appraise : évaluer
- quads : quadriceps
- searing : accablant
- honed : aiguisé
- donning : revêtir
- impending : imminent
- gaze : regard
- freak-out : crise de panique
- a slew : un tas de
- haywire : détraqué
- steady : stable
- fledgling : débutant
- downtrodden : opprimé
- harsh : sévère
- rousing : passionné
- lore : tradition
- trope : stéréotype
- outgrow : passer l'age
- harrowing : atroce
- predicament : situation délicate
- throes : affres
- to whisk : fouetter
- foraging : chercher de la nourriture
- blaring : beuglant
- arousal : excitation
- vaunted : vanté
- to enact : promulguer
- to gloss over : vite passer sur
- a slew of : un tas de
- to stare off : fixer le vide
- to brush off : chasser
- worthy : louable
- needy : indigent
- wreck : épave
- freakout : piquer une crise
- off-kilter : de travers
- staple : base
- to summon up : retrouver
- reckless : imprudent
- deluding : tromper
- sturdy : robuste
- steady : stable
- uneventful : sans incident
- steady : stable
- tinge : teinte
- plummet : chuter
- bruised : couvert de bleus
- outcropping : affleurement
- ledge : bord
- to jut out : dépasser
- cringe : grimacer
- blip : point
- dread : crainte
- cubs : petits oursons
- awry : aller de travers
- wits : esprit
- to prime : amorcer, préparer
- craze : engouement
- trove : trésor
- consummate : parfait
- quell : dissiper
- scold : réprimander
- to seep out : fuir de
- grinding : broyage
- to prevail : se battre
- scorching : brûlant
- frown upon : voir d'un mauvais oeil
- utter : prononcer
- impervious : imperméable
- wane : décroître
- lapse : écart
- tout : faire l'article
- puffed out : essouflé
- tinting : teindre
- drooling : baveux
- cowering : se tapir
- helplessness : impuissance
- bolstering : renforcer
- menial tasks : tâches subalternes
- scourge : fléau
- listlessness : apathie
- grind : boulot répétitif
- impending : imminent
- stout : fort
- dampened : atténué
- stage : de base
- hop on : monter
- dread : crainte
- exhaustion : épuisement
- to foretell : prédire
- hopelessness : désespoir
- hopefulness : optimisme
- grief : soucis
- rut : routine
- backlash : contrecoup
- puking : vomir
- worth : valeur
- berate : réprimander
- helpless : sans défense
- mulligan : coup rejoué
- to flip : faire sauter
- cusp : à l'aube de
- stumped : poser une colle
- nudge : encourager
- drills : exercices
- strides : enjambées
- quirk : excentricité
- painstaking : pointilleux
- scold : gronder
- vowed : voeux
- numb : insensible
- bliss : béatitude
- nefarious : infâme
- gibberish : charabia
- shun : éviter
- jittery : nerveux
- tinge : teinte
- mugger : agresseur
- dimly : faiblement
- scents : parfum
- rustling : bruissement
- insula : cortex
- harken : prêter l'oreille
- hobble : boitiller
- soreness : douleur
- prime : de premier choix
- brimming : plein à ras bord
- thoughtfulness : prévenance
- sever : sectionner
- dull : ennuyeux
- craving : envie
- jolt : soubresaut
- thump : cogner
- dashing : se précipiter
- smattering : de vagues notions
- meager : maigre
- spear : lance
- terse : brusque
- stern : sévère
- beacon : signal lumineux
- steadfastness : inébranlable
- waged : mener
- deem : juger
- gooey : gluant
- mate : partenaire
- kin : famille
- barbs : piques
- posit : postuler
- jibe : coller
- scarlet letter : obsolète
- spurring : inciter
- marooned : abandonné
- brush off : chasser
- spouting : jaillir
- thrust : pousser
- prodding : encourager
- rant : diatribe
- oblivious : inconscient
- toddler : bambin
- excoriate : réprouver
- mumble : marmonner
- latch : comprendre
- blurted out : lâcher
- overt : ouvert
- pep : peps
- self-esteem : estime de soi
- poking : pousser
- merciful : clément
Introduction: How we got toughness wrong and where to go
Chapter 1 - Finding Real Inner Strength
- We've prioritized external displays over true inner strength.
- Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning it, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It's maintaining a clear head to be able to make the appropriate decision. Toughness is navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can.
- Toughness is having the space to make the right choice under discomfort.
- Whether discomfort comes in the form of anxiety, fear, pain, uncertainty, or fatigue, navigating through it is what toughness is all about.
- Toughness Maxim : Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It's navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can.
- No one wins the race in the first half of an endurance contest; they only lose it. Less thinking meant fewer thoughts about the impending pain or doubts over whether I could sustain the pain the whole way.
- I was storing up my mental energy to combat the surge of discomfort.
- Fatigue unmasks our breaking points.
- Running is a sport where you are alone, in your head, navigating immense levels of discomfort.
- We have a fundamental misunderstanding of what toughness is.
- Everybody goes through shit in their life. Nobody escape obstacles.
Chapter 2 - Sink or Swim: How We Took the Wrong Lesson from the Military
- The old model of toughness, in essence, throws people into the deep end of the pool but forgets that we need to first teach people how to swim.
- High stress and a need to perform.
- Prepare you for a reality that you might face.
- Goal setting, positive self-talk, and stress management.
- How "to monitor their psychological performance and learn to maximize mental toughness skills"
- A tough individual is like a robust immune system.
- Stress inoculations.
- Mental skills foundations.
- Optimism, resilience, post-traumatic growth, and emotion regulation.
- We need to teach them how to navigate the discomfort they'll soon face.
- Sink or swim doesn't work.
- Negative thoughts of quitting are normal. They represent your mind to protect you.
- It's training the mind to handle uncertainty long enough so that you can nudge or guide your response in the right direction. To create space so that you don't jump straight from unease to the quickest possible solution.
The First Pillar of Toughness - Ditch the facade, embrace reality
Chapter 3 - Accept What You Are Capable Of
- He'd wait to reach his goal another day.
- Inside their bodies, the novices are secreting cortisol, while the veterans have more adrenaline.
- Adrenaline, oxytocin, cortisol.
- Does our appraisal of our skills match our appraisal of the demands of the situation?
- Toughness maxim : Our appraisal of a situation as a threat or as a challenge depends on the perceived demands of that stressor versus or perceived abilities to handle them. Do we have the resources to handle the demands?
- Stress exposes you.
- Toughness maxim : Embrace reality. Accurate appraisal of demands + accurate appraisal of our abilities.
- Shifting the focus toward process-oriented goals.
- Stress alters our judgement of what we are capable of.
- Relaxed participants tended to ignore the bad news and embrace the good.
- Stress shifts us towards a negative bias, priming us to search out and recognize danger or threats in the environment.
- Prime your mind to search for opportunities.
- The closer you are to a performance, the more you want to prime with what you are good at.
- What direction we end up going is largely up to how we see ourselves and the world around us.
Chapter 4 - True Confidence Is Quiet; Insecurity Is Loud
- See the pain as something to embrace instead of avoid.
- There is a time to train and a time to rest.
- Training gives me a feeling of tranquility.
- We often mask our insecurities with perfectionism and extreme levels of work.
- Lacked confidence and couldn't control his insecurity before a race.
- When confidence is high, we 're able to completely focus on the task at hand.
- Confidence and toughness go hand in hand.
- Toughness maxim : Confidence is a filter, tinting how we see the challenges before us and our ability to handle them.
- Every generation denigrates the next.
- According to a research, millennials may have higher degrees of narcissism.
- When we face a challenge, expectation and reality should have a high degree of overlap.
- When we are overconfident, we set ourselves up for failure.
- Minimum expectation. Embrace reality.
- Two major psychological constructs: self-esteem and confidence.
- True confidence is founded in doing the work.
Chapter 5 - Know When to Hold 'Em and When to Fold 'Em
- The feelings of apathy when we lack control are real and frequent.
- When we lack a sense of control over our life, apathy naturally takes over.
- When we lack control, our stress spikes.
- The better runners needed freedom.
- Toughness maxim : Our level of control changes how we respond to stress. When we have a sense of control, our alarm is quieter and easier to shut off.
- The ability to choose improves performance not only in athletic tasks, but also in everyday ones.
- If too many emails are causing you consternation, define a specific hour each day in which you'll answer them.
- We are born to choose.
- In Foucault's conceptualization, power was utilized to regulate time, space, and effort.
- It's when we have a choice that toughness is trained.
- Toughness maxim : When we don't have control, we lose the capacity to cope. It's when we have a choice that toughness is trained.
- Training to have control.
- Leading yourself
- From small to large : Once you have a sense of control over the smallest item, then move to something slightly larger.
- Give Yourself a Choice
- Flip the Script
- Adopt a ritual
- Leading others :
- Learn to let go
- Set the constraints and let them go
- Allow them to Fail, Reflect, and Improve
The Second Pillar of Toughness - Listen to your body
Chapter 6 - Your Emotions Are Messengers, Not Dictators
- When we don't have clarity in our internal world, we tend to resort to less effective coping mechanism.
- Interoceptive : la perception des signaux internes du corps, tels que la conscience des battements du coeur, de la respiration et d'autres sensations physiologiques.
- Bad data in means bad prediction out.
- When we name something, we take back control - converting the ambiguous to something tangible that we can understand, manipulate, and come to terms with.
- Toughness maxim : Poor interoception -> Poor predictions -> Lower toughness and worse decision making.
- Developing nuance Exercise
- Exercise 1: Go Deep to Understand Nuance
- 1. Get specific
- 2. Go into the feelings and sensations
- Exercise 2: Name It
- 1. Develop a vocabulary.
- 2. Describe the feeling.
- 3. Separate the feeling from the physiology.
- 4. Name it.
- 5. Reappraise it
- It comes down to clarity of our inner world
Chapter 7 - Own the Voice in Your Head
- "My emotional self feels fear and my physical self feels pain. I instinctively rely on my rational self to take command over the fear pain"
- The inner debate occurs whether we're running a marathon.
- One theory posits that they are mental simulations - our body evaluating possible scenarios for our current situation, one of those being death.
- In this kind of self-talk, it's less of a debate where there is a winner and a loser and more about working through a scenario - practicing how you might respond, taking different viewpoints into account, and navigating your way through them.
- It's clear that how we talk to ourselves during stressful situations influences our subsequent behavioral response.
- Toughness maxim : If the messenger (feeling) shouts loud enough, a corresponding thought will enter our awareness to motivate us toward a behavioral response or action. Our inner speech serves to integrate our variety of systems or selves. To bring concerns and motives to awareness and decide what to do with them.
- Our inner voice should serve self-regulation and direction toward action.
- Using external self-talk might work well is that it holds you accountable.
- The more the child was distanced from his inner self, the longer he or she persisted.
- It's easier to give advice to a friend than to yourself.
- When we used third-persons pronouns, our first name, or example of others, it creates space between our sense of self and the situation. We transform into that friend giving advice, not blinded by our connection to the issue.
- A self-immersed perspective causes us to see the situation as a threat.
- When we adopt a self-distanced perspective, our view of the world broadens.
- All from switching from I to you.
- Our inner dialogue is complex.
- We have many different voices, each representing a type of self that occupies our mind.
The Third Pillar of Toughness - Respond instead of React
Chapter 8 - Keep Your Mind Steady
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